Bigfoot vs. Zombies (2016)

“The remaining zombies are attacking Bigfoot!” – Renee, Bigfoot vs. Zombies

This week’s post is a little different.  I decided to try something new with the Sunday “Bad” Movies.  It wasn’t a complete success.  I would never claim that.  I don’t think it was a failure either, but if you consider it that, I hope that you’ll find it an interesting failure.  It was an attempt at something new.  That’s a step in the right direction and shows some of the growth that I’ve had as a writer since beginning this bad movie quest four years ago.

Here’s what happened.  I decided that I would create a scripted scene of me telling someone else about the movie.  Part of this decision has to do with the script writing that is bleeding into my schoolwork and my wanting to improve.  The other part was that new path that I was discussing.  I think I did well with the formatting.  The entertainment value might not be there, and I didn’t get into much depth with the movie.  But, hey, it’s my first attempt at this sort of thing for the Sunday “Bad” Movies.  It’s a fairly standard setting with two people sitting at a table in a diner, just talking to each other.

So, here’s the script I wrote.  I’ll discuss it a little more at the end.

INT. DINER - MORNING

JESSE walks in through the front door, holding it open for a woman to walk out. He looks around the half-filled coffee shop before his eyes settle on his friend JOE. He waves and walks over to the table.

                      JESSE

          Hey, Joe. What are you doing with

          that fork in your hand?

                      JOE

          Oh, it was given to me by that

          waitress, that old lady. She said

          she'd be back with my breakfast

          whenever she can. Sit down. Sit.

Jesse pulls out a chair. It scratches the floor, but the sound is lost amongst the noise of the diner. He sits down and looks across the table at Joe.

                      JOE

          Have you written it yet?

                      JESSE

          Not yet. I don't know what to write

          about it. This is a tough one, man.

          I don't even know where to start.

                      JOE

          All you need to do is write what

          you're feeling. When you put your

          emotions onto the page, it can work

          wonders. It makes people connect

          with you. They get to understand

          you better.

                      JESSE

          Yeah, but how do I get into it?

                      JOE

          Don't worry about that. When you're

          writing, your entry point will come

          to you. It'll happen. You just need

          to work to get there. Not

          everything is easy. Some things

          need hard labor in order to happen.

          Writing is no different.

                      JESSE

          You're right. I know you are. It's

          just... It's tough sometimes. You

          know?

                      JOE

          I get it.

A waitress walks up to the table with a plate of eggs, bacon, and home fries. She places it in front of Joe and turns to Jesse.

                      WAITRESS

          Would you like anything?

                      JESSE

          I'll have a coffee, thanks.

The waitress writes that down on a small pad of paper and walks away from the table.

                      JOE

          Hey, why don't you bounce some

          stuff off of me? Tell me what you

          want to write. Maybe when you've

          talked about it a little bit,

          you'll have a better vision.

                      JESSE

          That's not a bad idea.

Joe nods and takes a bite of his breakfast. When he has swallowed the food, he puts down his fork.

                      JOE

          So what movie did you watch?

                      JESSE

          It was some stinker called Bigfoot

          vs. Zombies.

                      JOE

          Bigfoot vs. Zombies? Is that by The

          Asylum?

                      JESSE

          No, and it's worse than any of

          their stuff that I've seen. This

          was in a whole different league of

          bad.

                      JOE

          That terrible, eh?

                      JESSE

          Whatever you're thinking, it was

          worse.

The waitress returns and puts the coffee on the table.

                      JESSE

          Thank you.

                      WAITRESS

          Anything else for you two fine

          gentlemen today?

                      JOE

          No thank you.

The waitress walks to the next table and checks on the customers there.

                      JOE

          Who was in the movie? Who were the

          stars of Bigfoot vs. Zombies?

                      JESSE

          You wouldn't know them.

                      JOE

          Try me.

                      JESSE

          Okay. Danielle Donahue, Dave Fife,

          and Jeff Kirkendall.

                      JOE

          You're right. I don't know any of

          those people.

                      JESSE

          Don't worry. You'll never see them

          again. Just like director Mark

          Polonia, their careers will likely

          end at this movie.

                      JOE

          You'd be surprised what some

          people's careers can survive. The

          kid from Troll 2 is directing

          documentaries now.

                      JESSE

          I'm not talking about Troll 2.

                      JOE

          I know, I'm just--

                      JESSE

          Just nothing.

                      JOE

          You're right.

Joe takes a sip of his coffee, thinks for a moment, and sets it down.

                      JOE

          So what's so bad about the movie?

                      JESSE

          Where do I start? The acting was

          bad. The story was bad. The effects

          were bad.

                      JOE

          The story. Start with the story.

                      JESSE

          Okay. The story. Bigfoot vs.

          Zombies was exactly what you would

          expect. Bigfoot fought some

          zombies. But that's not everything.

                      JOE

          Of course it's not. You already

          told me who was in the cast.

                      JESSE

          Will you just let me finish?

                      JOE

          Okay, okay. Go on.

                      JESSE

          The movie takes place at a body

          farm in Wisconson. All of the

          license plates are from New York or

          Pennsylvania, but the movie is set

          in Wisconson. It was about the

          people who work there. Two doctors,

          one guy who moves the bodies, the

          security guard, a hunter, and two

          guys bringing bodies to the farm.

Jesse stops for a moment and chugs his whole coffee. He puts the empty mug onto the table.

                      JESSE

          The lead doctor came up with some

          sort of serum that could accelerate

          the decay of the bodies. That same

          concoction was bringing them back

          to life as zombies. The zombies

          attacked the workers, leaving most

          of them trapped in the main

          building. Luckily for them, Bigfoot

          showed up and sided with the

          people. You see, he was in love

          with the female doctor.

                      JOE

          In love?

                      JESSE

          He would do anything to protect

          her. That's why he was fighting

          the zombies.

                      JOE

          That's the story? Zombies attack

          and the people are saved by

          bigfoot?

                      JESSE

          They're not all saved. Only the

          female doctor and one of the

          delivery guys make it out alive.

          Everyone else gets killed one way

          or another.

                      JOE

          How do they get killed?

                      JESSE

          The jerk who moved the bodies

          within the farm was killed when he

          opened up the bodybags the new

          bodies were in. The hunter was

          bitten and turned into a zombie.

                      JOE

          That's enough.

Joe called over the waitress. She walked up with her pen in her hand.

                      WAITRESS

          Is there anything else I can get

          you?

                      JOE

          The bill, please. Put it all on

          one. I'll pay for both of us.

                      WAITRESS

          You got it, hon.

The waitress walked to the counter to ring up the bill.

                      JOE

          It sounds like a pretty bad movie.

                      JESSE

          Did I mention the scene where the

          van starts a rocking, and you find

          out later that it was only a

          makeout session and not sex?

                      JOE

          No. You didn't tell me that, and

          you could have kept it to yourself.

                      JESSE

          I'm trying to come to terms with

          this movie, okay? It messed me up

          pretty good.

                      JOE

          You were already messed up. You've

          seen The Room too many times.

          You've seen both Birdemic movies,

          and over thirty movies from The

          Asylum. You've even seen Miss

          Castaway and the Island Girls.

          There's no way that watching movies

          that bad wouldn't mess you up.

                      JESSE

          This was something else.

                      JOE

          Everything is something else when

          it comes to the bad movies you

          watch. How many times have you seen

          something that you've never seen

          before because of watching one bad

          movie every week for four years?

                      JESSE

          Well...

                      JOE

          See? Though Bigfoot vs. Zombies was

          a bad movie, you've seen movies

          just as bad or worse. This might be

          bottom of the barrel, but there are

          worse movies out there.

                      JESSE

          You're right--

                      JOE

          I know I'm right.

The waitress returns with the bill in her hand. Joe hands her the money and she walks away.

                      JOE

          Just write what comes to you. It

          sounds like a crazy enough movie

          that you could find something to

          write about it.

                      JESSE

          I don't know.

                      JOE

          Find a new angle then. Try

          something you've never tried before

          when you're writing this week's

          post.

                      JESSE

          That could work.

                      JOE

          That will work. You always pull

          through. You haven't missed a

          Sunday yet.

                      JESSE

          Alright. Thanks Joe.

Joe stands up and puts on his coat. He leans over the table and looks directly into Jesse's eyes.

                      JOE

          I know you can do it.

Joe stands back up and walks out. Jesse stands up, puts on his coat, and exits from the opposite door.

And that’s the script I wrote.  It’s nothing special, just something to test my skills at script writing and maybe help me find problems that I can improve upon.  I know that my descriptions could be improved.  By the end, I was writing simple actions when I should have been building the world.  Oh well.  I’ll do better next time.

In future attempts at scripting for the Sunday “Bad” Movies, I want to write better scenes than someone sitting at a table talking.  But that won’t be happening in the near future.  Next week will definitely not be a script, as I’ve already begun work on that post.  This week was a valiant attempt at trying something new, and I’m okay with that.  You have to try to improve and you have to improve to succeed.  These posts are as much about improving my writing skills as they are about actually covering the movies.  They’re for me as much as they’re for you.  That’s why I do whatever the hell I want.

Bigfoot vs. Zombies was not a good movie.  With my limited filmmaking skills, I could probably make something better.  But it did give me the chance to try something new while covering it.  It gave me the chance to push the boundaries of this blog in a way they hadn’t been pushed before, helping it to grow, if only a little bit.  Bad movies might not be well-made, but they can give as much inspiration as great movies.  They are important.  Keep that in mind when you see something as bad as Bigfoot vs. Zombies.

Keep these notes in mind too:

• Bigfoot vs. Zombies was suggested by @erincandy, who has also suggested Glitter, Ghost Storm, Zombeavers, and Dead Before Dawn 3D.
• I brought up a few movies during this post. They were Troll 2, The Room, Birdemic, and Miss Castaway and the Island Girls.
• The Asylum was also mentioned during the post.  Some of their movies include Snakes on a Train, Paranormal Entity, Grimm’s Snow White, Transmorphers, and The Beast of Bray Road.
• Another movie I’ve covered with Bigfoot was Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend.
• There have been a few zombie movies covered for the Sunday “Bad” Movies, such as Rise of the Zombies, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown, and The Coed and the Zombie Stoner.
• Have you seen Bigfoot vs. Zombies?  What did you think of the movie?  Was it as mind-numbingly bad as I thought it was?  Let me know all your thoughts in the comments.
• Are there any movies that I should watch for the Sunday “Bad” Movies?  I’m open to all suggestions.  Just leave them in the comments or on my Twitter timeline.
• When I’m watching bad movies, I tend to put clips of them on snapchat.  If you want to see that, you can add me.  Jurassicgriffin.
• Next week is a big week for me.  About a year ago, I had planned to see and review Fifty Shades of Black for the blog, but wasn’t able to make it to the theater to see it.  Now it’s on Netflix so I have no excuse not to cover it.  With the one year anniversary of its release so near, and the release of Fifty Shades Darker looming ahead, next week I will be taking a look at Fifty Shades of Black.