Van Helsing (2023)

A while back, I checked out a movie called Bigfoot vs Megalodon. It was an animated movie set in, I think, the distant future. Earth had been wrecked and the last human survivors were living on a space station, trying to find any way to survive. They teamed up with Bigfoot to fight aliens and avoid the wrath of a bipedal, speaking megalodon.

It wasn’t a good movie. Not at all. But there was one small piece of dialogue that made it all worth the time. “I’m no good behind a computer screen. I’m a clone, not a cuck. See ya, sweetheart!” That line came out of nowhere and made me laugh out loud. It was the only positive thing I took away from the movie. There’s always something to take away from a bad movie, whether it’s a lesson or one beautiful moment. Bigfoot vs Megalodon had that moment.

Fast forward a year, and that moment was pushing me to watch a second movie from director BC Fourteen. I was perusing the pages of Tubi when I came across something called Van Helsing. It wasn’t the Hugh Jackman movie that people know. It was an animated movie from the guy who made Bigfoot vs Megalodon. I thought it might have a memorable moment like that clone line, so I threw it on.

The first thing I noticed was that it was a prequel to Bigfoot vs Megalodon. It followed a non-cloned version of the character who said that line of dialogue as he dealt with the fall of Earth. Van Helsing (Ernesto Galan) was a scientist of sorts who escaped Earth during a zombie uprising. He fled to the moon, where a few humans had started building a new colony. He would soon leave the moon when exterminator robots attacked the base and killed everyone. Eventually he became a sort of space cowboy as the zombies, exterminators, and aliens all fought one another.

Being a prequel to Bigfoot vs Megalodon, I expected more of what that movie provided. I expected the same kind of animation. I expected to be bored most of the runtime. And I expected the editing to reuse the same shot over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I got something a little different. I got something that, dare I say, was better.

Van Helsing actually had a story. It might not have been the greatest story in the world, but it made more sense than the story of Bigfoot vs Megalodon. (And yeah, I know I’m comparing these two movies a lot. Can you blame me? Same Director, same series, same animation style… How could I not?) There was an actual message to the movie. It was about people mistreating the earth. It was about how we will lead to our own destruction because of the shitty things we do to one another.

I appreciate the sentiment, but maybe not the execution as much as BC Fourteen would have hoped. There were still some issues with the animation. The editing wasn’t quite as bad, with fewer reused shots. But there was still an issue of most characters looking identical, or having their mouths hidden so that you could not gauge any sort of emotion from them. It was a simplistic animation style that was better than some of the animation I’ve seen, but still left a lot to be desired.

The other major problem with Van Helsing was that it didn’t feel like a complete story. It felt like the beginning of something bigger, which I guess makes sense, because it was a prequel. You got the origins of the Van Helsing character, but outside of him fleeing from earth and beginning the colony that would become the last remains of humanity, he didn’t really do much. He kind of existed while a battle between robots and zombies took place. It would have been nice for him to play a bigger part in the story. You know, since the movie was named after him.

One final thing worth mentioning is that Bigfoot, one of the major players in Bigfoot vs Megalodon, showed up in the final few seconds of the movie. It was basically a way to set up that this was, in fact, part of that same franchise. You never really got a sense of how he connected to anything. The zombies that took over the planet didn’t really affect him. They were gone before he got introduced. The robots? They never came in contact with him at all. He just kind of showed up out of nowhere to signify that he survived the fall of Earth. There wasn’t really much more to it than that.

I do think that Van Helsing was a step up from Bigfoot vs Megalodon. The prequel had a more concrete story, slightly better animation, and a better sense of direction. It was an easier watch than its predecessor. I wouldn’t call it good, but I could see a future installment getting there. I think I’ll definitely check out some more BC Fourteen movies in the future.

Here are a few notes to round things out:

• BC Fourteen directed both Van Helsing and Bigfoot vs Megalodon.
• A bunch of voice actors were in Bigfoot vs Megalodon and Van Helsing. They were Wes Bruff, Edson Camacho, Jennifer Fourteen, and Simon Jackson.
• Have you seen this version of Van Helsing? What were your thoughts? Did you think it improved on BC Fourteen’s other work? Let me know in the comments or find me on Threads.
• I’m always open to suggestions about what I should watch. Tell me in the comments if there’s a movie I should cover for Sunday “Bad” Movies.
• This should be the third of three posts going up in quick succession. That means I don’t have any other posts lined up. What will I watch next? There could be a surprise movie if I end up watching something that would fit perfectly. Or I could actually get around to that post for Ringmaster. I should write that one, since it was scheduled a long time ago. I’ll figure it out. See you sometime with another post.