Bigfoot vs. Zombies (2016)

“The remaining zombies are attacking Bigfoot!” – Renee, Bigfoot vs. Zombies

This week’s post is a little different.  I decided to try something new with the Sunday “Bad” Movies.  It wasn’t a complete success.  I would never claim that.  I don’t think it was a failure either, but if you consider it that, I hope that you’ll find it an interesting failure.  It was an attempt at something new.  That’s a step in the right direction and shows some of the growth that I’ve had as a writer since beginning this bad movie quest four years ago.

Here’s what happened.  I decided that I would create a scripted scene of me telling someone else about the movie.  Part of this decision has to do with the script writing that is bleeding into my schoolwork and my wanting to improve.  The other part was that new path that I was discussing.  I think I did well with the formatting.  The entertainment value might not be there, and I didn’t get into much depth with the movie.  But, hey, it’s my first attempt at this sort of thing for the Sunday “Bad” Movies.  It’s a fairly standard setting with two people sitting at a table in a diner, just talking to each other.

So, here’s the script I wrote.  I’ll discuss it a little more at the end.

INT. DINER - MORNING

JESSE walks in through the front door, holding it open for a woman to walk out. He looks around the half-filled coffee shop before his eyes settle on his friend JOE. He waves and walks over to the table.

                      JESSE

          Hey, Joe. What are you doing with

          that fork in your hand?

                      JOE

          Oh, it was given to me by that

          waitress, that old lady. She said

          she'd be back with my breakfast

          whenever she can. Sit down. Sit.

Jesse pulls out a chair. It scratches the floor, but the sound is lost amongst the noise of the diner. He sits down and looks across the table at Joe.

                      JOE

          Have you written it yet?

                      JESSE

          Not yet. I don't know what to write

          about it. This is a tough one, man.

          I don't even know where to start.

                      JOE

          All you need to do is write what

          you're feeling. When you put your

          emotions onto the page, it can work

          wonders. It makes people connect

          with you. They get to understand

          you better.

                      JESSE

          Yeah, but how do I get into it?

                      JOE

          Don't worry about that. When you're

          writing, your entry point will come

          to you. It'll happen. You just need

          to work to get there. Not

          everything is easy. Some things

          need hard labor in order to happen.

          Writing is no different.

                      JESSE

          You're right. I know you are. It's

          just... It's tough sometimes. You

          know?

                      JOE

          I get it.

A waitress walks up to the table with a plate of eggs, bacon, and home fries. She places it in front of Joe and turns to Jesse.

                      WAITRESS

          Would you like anything?

                      JESSE

          I'll have a coffee, thanks.

The waitress writes that down on a small pad of paper and walks away from the table.

                      JOE

          Hey, why don't you bounce some

          stuff off of me? Tell me what you

          want to write. Maybe when you've

          talked about it a little bit,

          you'll have a better vision.

                      JESSE

          That's not a bad idea.

Joe nods and takes a bite of his breakfast. When he has swallowed the food, he puts down his fork.

                      JOE

          So what movie did you watch?

                      JESSE

          It was some stinker called Bigfoot

          vs. Zombies.

                      JOE

          Bigfoot vs. Zombies? Is that by The

          Asylum?

                      JESSE

          No, and it's worse than any of

          their stuff that I've seen. This

          was in a whole different league of

          bad.

                      JOE

          That terrible, eh?

                      JESSE

          Whatever you're thinking, it was

          worse.

The waitress returns and puts the coffee on the table.

                      JESSE

          Thank you.

                      WAITRESS

          Anything else for you two fine

          gentlemen today?

                      JOE

          No thank you.

The waitress walks to the next table and checks on the customers there.

                      JOE

          Who was in the movie? Who were the

          stars of Bigfoot vs. Zombies?

                      JESSE

          You wouldn't know them.

                      JOE

          Try me.

                      JESSE

          Okay. Danielle Donahue, Dave Fife,

          and Jeff Kirkendall.

                      JOE

          You're right. I don't know any of

          those people.

                      JESSE

          Don't worry. You'll never see them

          again. Just like director Mark

          Polonia, their careers will likely

          end at this movie.

                      JOE

          You'd be surprised what some

          people's careers can survive. The

          kid from Troll 2 is directing

          documentaries now.

                      JESSE

          I'm not talking about Troll 2.

                      JOE

          I know, I'm just--

                      JESSE

          Just nothing.

                      JOE

          You're right.

Joe takes a sip of his coffee, thinks for a moment, and sets it down.

                      JOE

          So what's so bad about the movie?

                      JESSE

          Where do I start? The acting was

          bad. The story was bad. The effects

          were bad.

                      JOE

          The story. Start with the story.

                      JESSE

          Okay. The story. Bigfoot vs.

          Zombies was exactly what you would

          expect. Bigfoot fought some

          zombies. But that's not everything.

                      JOE

          Of course it's not. You already

          told me who was in the cast.

                      JESSE

          Will you just let me finish?

                      JOE

          Okay, okay. Go on.

                      JESSE

          The movie takes place at a body

          farm in Wisconson. All of the

          license plates are from New York or

          Pennsylvania, but the movie is set

          in Wisconson. It was about the

          people who work there. Two doctors,

          one guy who moves the bodies, the

          security guard, a hunter, and two

          guys bringing bodies to the farm.

Jesse stops for a moment and chugs his whole coffee. He puts the empty mug onto the table.

                      JESSE

          The lead doctor came up with some

          sort of serum that could accelerate

          the decay of the bodies. That same

          concoction was bringing them back

          to life as zombies. The zombies

          attacked the workers, leaving most

          of them trapped in the main

          building. Luckily for them, Bigfoot

          showed up and sided with the

          people. You see, he was in love

          with the female doctor.

                      JOE

          In love?

                      JESSE

          He would do anything to protect

          her. That's why he was fighting

          the zombies.

                      JOE

          That's the story? Zombies attack

          and the people are saved by

          bigfoot?

                      JESSE

          They're not all saved. Only the

          female doctor and one of the

          delivery guys make it out alive.

          Everyone else gets killed one way

          or another.

                      JOE

          How do they get killed?

                      JESSE

          The jerk who moved the bodies

          within the farm was killed when he

          opened up the bodybags the new

          bodies were in. The hunter was

          bitten and turned into a zombie.

                      JOE

          That's enough.

Joe called over the waitress. She walked up with her pen in her hand.

                      WAITRESS

          Is there anything else I can get

          you?

                      JOE

          The bill, please. Put it all on

          one. I'll pay for both of us.

                      WAITRESS

          You got it, hon.

The waitress walked to the counter to ring up the bill.

                      JOE

          It sounds like a pretty bad movie.

                      JESSE

          Did I mention the scene where the

          van starts a rocking, and you find

          out later that it was only a

          makeout session and not sex?

                      JOE

          No. You didn't tell me that, and

          you could have kept it to yourself.

                      JESSE

          I'm trying to come to terms with

          this movie, okay? It messed me up

          pretty good.

                      JOE

          You were already messed up. You've

          seen The Room too many times.

          You've seen both Birdemic movies,

          and over thirty movies from The

          Asylum. You've even seen Miss

          Castaway and the Island Girls.

          There's no way that watching movies

          that bad wouldn't mess you up.

                      JESSE

          This was something else.

                      JOE

          Everything is something else when

          it comes to the bad movies you

          watch. How many times have you seen

          something that you've never seen

          before because of watching one bad

          movie every week for four years?

                      JESSE

          Well...

                      JOE

          See? Though Bigfoot vs. Zombies was

          a bad movie, you've seen movies

          just as bad or worse. This might be

          bottom of the barrel, but there are

          worse movies out there.

                      JESSE

          You're right--

                      JOE

          I know I'm right.

The waitress returns with the bill in her hand. Joe hands her the money and she walks away.

                      JOE

          Just write what comes to you. It

          sounds like a crazy enough movie

          that you could find something to

          write about it.

                      JESSE

          I don't know.

                      JOE

          Find a new angle then. Try

          something you've never tried before

          when you're writing this week's

          post.

                      JESSE

          That could work.

                      JOE

          That will work. You always pull

          through. You haven't missed a

          Sunday yet.

                      JESSE

          Alright. Thanks Joe.

Joe stands up and puts on his coat. He leans over the table and looks directly into Jesse's eyes.

                      JOE

          I know you can do it.

Joe stands back up and walks out. Jesse stands up, puts on his coat, and exits from the opposite door.

And that’s the script I wrote.  It’s nothing special, just something to test my skills at script writing and maybe help me find problems that I can improve upon.  I know that my descriptions could be improved.  By the end, I was writing simple actions when I should have been building the world.  Oh well.  I’ll do better next time.

In future attempts at scripting for the Sunday “Bad” Movies, I want to write better scenes than someone sitting at a table talking.  But that won’t be happening in the near future.  Next week will definitely not be a script, as I’ve already begun work on that post.  This week was a valiant attempt at trying something new, and I’m okay with that.  You have to try to improve and you have to improve to succeed.  These posts are as much about improving my writing skills as they are about actually covering the movies.  They’re for me as much as they’re for you.  That’s why I do whatever the hell I want.

Bigfoot vs. Zombies was not a good movie.  With my limited filmmaking skills, I could probably make something better.  But it did give me the chance to try something new while covering it.  It gave me the chance to push the boundaries of this blog in a way they hadn’t been pushed before, helping it to grow, if only a little bit.  Bad movies might not be well-made, but they can give as much inspiration as great movies.  They are important.  Keep that in mind when you see something as bad as Bigfoot vs. Zombies.

Keep these notes in mind too:

• Bigfoot vs. Zombies was suggested by @erincandy, who has also suggested Glitter, Ghost Storm, Zombeavers, and Dead Before Dawn 3D.
• I brought up a few movies during this post. They were Troll 2, The Room, Birdemic, and Miss Castaway and the Island Girls.
• The Asylum was also mentioned during the post.  Some of their movies include Snakes on a Train, Paranormal Entity, Grimm’s Snow White, Transmorphers, and The Beast of Bray Road.
• Another movie I’ve covered with Bigfoot was Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend.
• There have been a few zombie movies covered for the Sunday “Bad” Movies, such as Rise of the Zombies, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown, and The Coed and the Zombie Stoner.
• Have you seen Bigfoot vs. Zombies?  What did you think of the movie?  Was it as mind-numbingly bad as I thought it was?  Let me know all your thoughts in the comments.
• Are there any movies that I should watch for the Sunday “Bad” Movies?  I’m open to all suggestions.  Just leave them in the comments or on my Twitter timeline.
• When I’m watching bad movies, I tend to put clips of them on snapchat.  If you want to see that, you can add me.  Jurassicgriffin.
• Next week is a big week for me.  About a year ago, I had planned to see and review Fifty Shades of Black for the blog, but wasn’t able to make it to the theater to see it.  Now it’s on Netflix so I have no excuse not to cover it.  With the one year anniversary of its release so near, and the release of Fifty Shades Darker looming ahead, next week I will be taking a look at Fifty Shades of Black.

I, Frankenstein (2014) and Movies That Are Sequels to Established Non-Movie Stories

“You’re only a monster if you behave like one.” –Terra, I, Frankenstein

Sequels have been a part of cinema since its inception.  There have always been sequels.  Though some may have been very loosely tied to the originals, and movies were sold more on actors than the properties themselves, there has always been an area within the movie world devoted to continuing stories.  This came from literature and life itself.  Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland had a sequel called Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There.  Shakespeare wrote Antony and Cleopatra after writing Julius Caesar, a sequel in both literature and life.  Sequels were popular before motion pictures were even conceived.

Movies have come a long way with sequels.  There have been many different kinds of sequels experimented with.  There were movies that took the themes and stories of the predecessors and turned them into a sequel with an almost entirely new cast.  Some sequels were the same cast on a new adventure.  We’ve had sequels that were spin-offs with a side character becoming the new lead, and we’ve had sequels that completely aped the first movie with the same cast and story.  The kind of sequel that I want to focus on in this post is one that I touched on with Hercules in New York.  That is, sequels to established stories that are not sequels to movies.

This form of sequel is interesting in that it doesn’t stem from a film.  The sequel is a film sequel of some other form of storytelling.  Hercules in New York was a sequel to the Hercules legend that has been passed down for century upon century.  This week’s movie, I, Frankenstein, is an action heavy sequel to the novel Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus.  Also in this camp is the movie Hook, which is a sequel to the play Peter Pan.  Each of the movies assumed that the audience knew the original story.  There were hints at what had happened before, possibly with a slight recap, but the filmmakers were depending on the audience to be familiar with the story.

Let’s begin with this week’s movie.  I, Frankenstein was released in 2014.  It followed Frankenstein’s monster (Aaron Eckhart), as he became a pawn in the war between gargoyles and demons.  Yes, that’s how insane the story got.  The gargoyles, led by Queen Leonore (Miranda Otto), tried to enlist his help.  They even gave him the name Adam to persuade him to join their side.  Adam turned down their offer and struck out on his own to kill the demons that were out to get him.  He ended up fighting Naberius (Bill Nighy), a demon prince who was using human scientist Terra (Yvonne Strahovski) to reanimate corpses as soulless vessels for demons to possess.

I, Frankenstein is not how people should go about creating a sequel to an established story.  The story was completely different than the established one.  There was a quick recap of the original tale at the start, but it quickly veered into this new tale that removed the moral themes and added crazy computer generated effects.  It didn’t feel like it was set in the world that had been established in Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus.  The movie felt more like Underworld.  There were no interesting moral quandaries.  It was straight action for action’s sake, which is boring.

When a sequel to a known property is conceived, it should have a similar theme to the original or the story should be connected.  Frankenstein was not a tale of demons fighting gargoyles.  Why was that the sole story of I, Frankenstein?  If none of these game-changing elements were introduced in the source, why was the film sequel tailored to focus on them?  It is disrespectful to the audience.  They go in expecting something.  They want to feel an expansion on the topics of the predecessor.  What they get is anything but.

Hercules in New York somewhat succeeded in doing what I, Frankenstein completely ignored.  The original tale of Hercules was a legend involving a series of tasks being performed by the strongman.  He slayed some monsters, and did some other stuff that only he was able to do.  They were the labors of Hercules.  Hera was punishing him for existing and he was completing these labors to prove his worth.  It was something like that, at least.

Hera was the inciting character of Hercules in New York as well.  She banished Hercules from Olympus and made him live in New York.  Once again, the story was about Hera punishing Hercules and Hercules living with the punishment.  This adventure saw him fighting a bear and the mob instead of the hydra and other legendary creatures.  The themes of the original story were still there, making this feel more like a sequel than I, Frankenstein felt.  The setting was different, particularly in the time that it took place, but it managed to feel like a continuation rather than a bastardization.  It didn’t feel like they used the name only to have the name.  There was a reason for it.

The real highlight of this kind of storytelling, however, was the 1991 film Hook.  It took the classical tale of Peter Pan and brought it into a more modern setting, with similar themes.  Hook is how this kind of sequel should work.  It updated the story to make it feel more fitting of the time in which it was made.  It brought the part of the story set outside Neverland into the present (at the time) day.  And it brought the themes with it.  There was the whole idea of never growing old, except it was now from the perspective of a grown up Peter Pan.  It was the same theme from a different perspective, which brought a fresh take on the material.

Although each of these stories were new adventures for characters that the audience knew, there were some major differences between them which made Hook good and I, Frankenstein bad.  These were the story elements.  I’m not trying to bring up anything but the writing.  As was stated earlier, the story shouldn’t feel like it could be about any character.  It should feel like a fitting continuation of what is already known.  I, Frankenstein didn’t feel like a fitting continuation.  A story about bringing man back to life and the morality issues it causes should not be followed by an action story about gargoyles and demons.  Hook felt very fitting, continuing from a story about endless adolescence into a story about the nostalgia of childhood.  There are ways to take an idea and spin it in a new direction.  It’s about putting in the effort and care to do it properly.  It’s too bad I, Frankenstein didn’t do it.  It could have led to some interesting places.

It wouldn’t have led to these interesting notes, though:

• I, Frankenstein was suggested to me by @ER_NotR, who has previously suggested Birdemic, Steel, and Catwoman.
• Kevin Grevioux was in I, Frankenstein.  He was also in a movie called Steel.
• The movie Hercules in New York was mentioned in this post.
• Have you seen I, Frankenstein?  Have you seen Hercules in New York or Hook?  What other movies that are “sequels” like this are out there?  You can discuss anything about this post in the comments section below.
• Any bad movies that you can think of would be welcome additions to my list of suggestions.  I’m always looking for movies that I don’t know or didn’t think of that I should add to the schedule.  If you have any suggestions, let me know on Twitter or in the comments.
• Sometimes when I’m watching bad movies, I’ll put clips into my snapchat story.  To see some of the clips, you can find me on snapchat with the username jurassicgriffin.
• In the first few months of 2016, people were anticipating some major superhero battles.  Batman would be going up against Superman.  Captain America would be going up against Iron Man.  But there was one battle, not between superheroes, that people weren’t expecting.  Two monsters would be fighting it out on the bad movie battlefield.  Next week’s movie is called Bigfoot vs. Zombies.  It’s some insane stuff and I’m not sure what I’m going to write about it.  We’ll see in a week’s time.  Write to you later.